


So I Married A Werewolf

by milkyway



Series: Stilinski's Encyclopaedia Of Werewolves [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, Feels, Fluff, Gen, Marriage, Mates, Pack Dynamics, Spoof
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-11
Updated: 2013-10-11
Packaged: 2017-12-29 02:39:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/999874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milkyway/pseuds/milkyway
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So you're dating, mated with or married to a lycanthrope? Confused or unsure about what you're getting yourself info? Look no further! This little guide will answer all your questions!</p><p>Just a few of the many topics covered here include...</p><p>* Discover the difference between mating and marriage<br/>* Learn the truth about Full Moons<br/>* Plan your life together painlessly<br/>* Deal with arguments like a pro<br/>* Pack dynamics: the do's and don'ts!</p><p>Dr. Stiles Stilinski, a human family physician married to an Alpha werewolf, uses his extensive personal experience to explain simply and frankly the intricacies of sharing your life with a werewolf. Written in a clear, humorous and direct style, this little guide will be a life-saver for all humans who have let a wolf into their life.</p><p>"Hilarious, informative, and endearing" – Necks and Throats Weekly</p><p>"Excellent. Stilinski writes with passion and genuine charm." – The Human-Wolf Observer</p><p>"Indispensable." – Good Wolfkeeping</p>
            </blockquote>





	So I Married A Werewolf

 

** SO I MARRIED A WEREWOLF **

 

 

_ a guide to living with a lycanthrope _

 

 

by

 

 

Sigmund "Stiles" Stilinski, M.D.

Family Physician and proud Human Alpha Mate

 

SECOND EDITION

 

**FOREWORD**

Hello, fellow human!

Congratulations... I guess... to sharing (and complicating) your life with the wonderful world of werewolves. Whether you're tentatively dating, contemplating the big M's (Mating and or Marriage) or had those sad puppy dog eyes staring longingly at you, I've compiled this little booklet mainly with the intention of demystifying some of the concepts involved in letting a furry one into your life!

This work is complementary to _Stiles's Guide To Speaking Wolf_ and there is necessarily some duplication of information. 

I would like to acknowledge the kind assistance of Dr Alan Deaton for painstakingly proofreading and editing this little bagatelle of mine.

Dedicated with love and gratitude to my husband and mate, Derek, for all his insights, patience and willingness to plumb the depths of his lovely wolfy soul. I love you, babe.  

 

_Some Selections_

 

**On Werewolves And Love**

If there is one thing I wish to stress, is that aside from fearsome physiology and irritatingly awesome superpowers, there is not much difference between werewolves and humans, especially when it comes to emotions. In fact, it is far better to regard the werewolf as a _special type of human._ After all, our DNA is 100% compatible – werewolves do not mate with wolves, even if they can transform into them (so those of you that are purely here for bestiality kinks can stop reading right now and redirect yourselves to whatever puerile disgustingness you trawl the web for.)

The key is _intensity._ We are all animals, and as such are subject to desires and basic needs, in the case of a lycanthrope, they have closer access to these. While these can be overwhelming at first, the flip side is that a relationship with a werewolf will be one of intense loyalty, affection and commitment, never mind the most mind-blowing sex you could ever imagine...

 

**Mating vs. Marriage**

In essence, the term "mate" is the same as "soulmates." Two individuals can be married, even happily so, without being soulmates; the latter term of course is that deathless union of two halves who were always destined for each other. If a werewolf chooses a human as a mate, the bond is eternal from the wolf's point of view, however, the human is not bound to reciprocate, or can defer the decision for as long as they want. Rejection, however, means that the werewolf will forever be single, because no-one else can fulfil that special place in their heart. (This fact always makes me misty-eyed.) To avoid crushing guilt on the human's part, the werewolf will usually only make their intentions clear after being fairly sure that the human in question will return their affection. Also, it is sad but true that the average lifespan of a werewolf rejected by his or her mate is shortened by up to 33%. 

Paradoxically, the werewolf may manifest with irritation and sometimes outright hostility when coming across his or her mate for the first time, as they may not be consciously aware of finding their other half, but will be instantly drawn to the person. (In the author's case, this manifested as a two year-long bout of pigtail-pulling which developed into an awkward bromance and, finally, love blossoming when Mr Grumpywolf finally decided to Use His Words. I proposed to him shortly afterwards.) 

Note that same-sex matings are surprisingly common (up to 30% in some communities) and homosexual activity as almost always been regarded as normal. In a 1999 study it was shown that less than half of such couples specifically referred to themselves as "gay", reflecting the fact that sexual preference among werewolves is usually seen as a non-issue. 

As far as I'm concerned, being a traditionalist, I recommend both marriage and mating. Even if it is purely for practicality's sake. However beautiful and fulfilling being mated is, it doesn't come with tax benefits, so I would urge all mated couples to at least have some sort of civil union drafted (note: divorce does not alter mating status!). A recent survey of all mated couples in California (mixed human-werewolf and werewolf-werewolf) revealed that 68% were married within 3 years of mating, and 81% within five. Among these, lifetime divorce rates remained low; below 4.3% (source: Martin; Whittemore, 2014)

 

 

**The Perks of Being Mated**

Mind-blowing sex

Undying love

Equal voice in pack matters

Longer lifespan

Amazing sex

Improved health

Loyalty and Commitment

Always a designated driver

Did I mention the sex?

 

 

**The Irritations of Being Mated**

Disrupted sleep during Full Moons

Near-constant hickeys

Being eaten out of house and home

You're married to the pack as well, basically

Always being sniffed

Your House Is Always Full Of Werewolves

Whining

Inability to win an argument when they pull the Puppy Dog Eyes

Moodiness

You'll never be able to go near horses again

 

Quite frankly, the perks WAY outweigh the irritations.

 

 

**Vampires vs. Werewolves**

 

Included here because people ALWAYS ask me about this. Vampires and Werewolves hardly ever mix. They are wary of each other and exhibit a mutual dislike (though there are some cases of friendship.) Around the Middle Ages they were mortal enemies, and a werewolf is one of the few creatures that can easily defeat a vampire. They are immune to their bites and their blood is highly toxic to vampires. Double whammy. 

  

_VAMPIRES vs._ _WEREWOLVES_

Have no soul (can acquire one)vs. Identical souls to humans

Undeadvs. Alive

Immortalvs. Mortal (but long lifespan)

Feed on bloodvs. Omnivorous, preference for meat

Nocturnal onlyCrepuscular / Diurnal

No cyclical changesvs. nhanced powers & desires under a full moon

Unable to breedvs. Compatible DNA

Sired via bitevs. Genetically passed down, or acquired via bite

Wooden stakes deadlyvs. Wolfsbane: highly toxic

Repelled by Christian iconsvs. Are often religious themselves

Silver allergyvs. Silver harmless

Promiscuous or monogamousvs. Strictly monogamous once mated

 

 

**Full Moons**

In reality, only newly-bitten werewolves and those going through puberty have a propensity to violence during the Full Moon, and this usually resolves within a few months. Protocol demands that a senior werewolf be present overseeing (and restraining, if necessary), so this is not something you will generally be exposed to as a human.

So don't worry. The full moon is a time of heightened awareness for the wolf in your life, one that comes with raw emotions, irritability and... extremely amazing sex, because they are _gagging_ for it. If you're not in the mood, expect a lot of grumpiness and guilt trips.

Most werewolves will want to go on what is termed the "Run and Howl", where they will want to run in some wild space and, yes, howl at the moon. Humans are welcome to join in though following them is a task best undertaken by Olympic athletes. Much easier is to allow yourself to be piggybacked. It's akin to being on a bit of a roller-coaster ride, so don't do it if you suffer from motion sickness. 

Listening to a pack howling is both a beautiful and unnerving experience, but I find the best thing is to simply join in (see my other booklet, _Stiles's Guide To Speaking Wolf_.) No wolf will fault you, however, if you'd prefer the night to yourself, but expect to be woken in the early hours of the morning by a scruffy, sweaty and horny mate wanting too ravage you. It's a hard life, as you can see...

 

 

**The Werewolf Diet**

In short: high protein, low carbs. This will benefit you in the long run too. But, it's not a meat-only diet. Far from it. While werewolves need a constant supply of fresh meat (any meat... beef, chicken, fish), they'll happily eat what we eat. And if there ain't enough protein, make peace with the fact that they'll go grab a bunny or a pheasant in the woods. I insist my husband deals with this grisliness outside the house. However, I've turned it into an advantage, because he also is a seasoned quail and guinea fowl hunter and roasted, these are quite delicious.  

Vegan diets? Sorry, they won't work. You've let a predator (in the best sense) into your life.

 

 

**Supersenses**

(a) Smell: when Derek and I first moved in together in college, I was constantly frightened that I might be giving off... er... B.O. that would offend him, since it was summer and yours truly perspires a lot. Don't worry, They can regulate their sense of smell, switch it on and off if you like. Plus, as their other half, you generally smell  _awesome_ to them. Your scents will rub off each other, especially if you're mates, because the pheromones go up exponentially. Don't be afraid though, to wear cologne, just don't bathe in the stuff. So if you've got a girl-werewolf in your life, she's just as likely to be delighted with perfume as any other girl. But you won't be able to skimp, you'll have to buy the expensive stuff. They can smell cheap knock-offs a mile away (and will usually get allergies.) (Interesting fact: many werewolves are employed as "professional noses" in perfume companies, for obvious reasons. It is said Coco Chanel perfected Chanel No. 5 with the assistance of a werewolf friend of hers...) Also make peace with the fact that other werewolves will be able to tell immediately that there's a wolf in your life. Don't stress. It affords you protection. 

(b)  Lie Detection:  Forget lying. They can reliably sense your heart rate escalating. Some of them have worked for the CIA and FBI. On the flip side, werewolves perspire and shake very obviously when fibbing themselves. 

(c) Hearing: Say goodbye to gossiping. They can hear you whisper within a five hundred yard range. They can pick your heartbeat out in a crowd, so you can run, but you can't hide.

(d) Sight: Colour vision is as sharp as a human's (human colour vision is of the most advanced in existence) but night vision is vastly superior. They can sense infra-red as well (so-called "heat vision" and have no problems hunting at night.)

 

 

**Possessiveness:**

 

Werewolves are _extremely_ possessive of their mates and very jealous. It's not that they don't trust you. They'll respect your space. But expect a showdown with a perceived rival who flirts or tries to pursue you. It generally does not end well. Having said that, my husband is on good terms with a lovely woman I had a long tragic puppy-dog crush on in my teens, particularly now that he doesn't see her as a threat (she's also part of the pack, being married to one of his Betas.) Stand your ground though if you feel you're not being given enough space. They will back down, even if they sulk for a while. The most awesome thing about your werewolf partner is that they  _respect_ you. It's an equal partnership.

 

  

**Werewolf Strength and Human Frailty**

Let's face it, you're dating / married or mated to someone who can bench-press a car, can rip throats out with their teeth and crush cans with their bare hands. Are you going to end up broken into tiny pieces? Don't worry. Remember a wild wolf can carry its pups in its mouth with feather-like gentleness. They can sense you're more fragile (physically) than you are, and you generally don't have to worry that you'll end up looking like you're a permanent extra in _Fight Club_. They won't crush you when being big spoon either, though it _can_ be a bit smothering because they are addicted to cuddling. Just don't ever try to punch a werewolf. You'll break your hand. It's much easier to hose them down with water if you really want to fuck with them.

A common misconception is that (particularly male) werewolves are sex maniacs. In fact they are usually shy, gentle, considerate lovers, and will only bring out their more aggressive animal instinct with painstaking encouragement and patience. If you want to live in a porn video from day one, date a vampire instead.

 

 

**Alcohol**

They don't get drunk, but many enjoy a good wine or beer. Be careful - one forgets one's own vulnerability and will try and match them drink for drink, and then risk waking up in ICU without a pancreas. But there _is_ a way they can get tipsy, and this is with the help of so-called "jet fuel drops" which is basically a very weak solution of wolfsbane (1:100 000 solution of Standard Tincture) and vervain extract. Two drops should suffice per shot of alcohol. Interestingly, it has the effect of reversing a hangover in humans. Only let your emissary mix up the stuff. The cool thing is, you'll always have a designated driver if they opt to forego the jet fuel. The only psychoactive substance that affects them just as it does humans is THC, so you can share a joint if that's your thing. Be warned: they get very giggly and silly.

 

 

**Pack dynamics**

As the partner of a werewolf, you are afforded equal status in the pack, so if your other half is a Beta, you are seen as a Beta too. You are not _obliged_ to follow orders from the Alpha, but it is of course considered good form to do so. My husband is an Alpha, and as Alpha-mate I actually have reserve powers. Once when he was not available, I actually assumed the role of acting Alpha (I have a whole booklet on this, because it can get overwhelming.) So remember: your status comes with responsibility. It is considered good manners to attend all pack meetings. because pack decisions will affect you! Upon joining the furry extended family humans are traditionally given a token which is usually an amulet - I have a Celtic cross pendant. Its a badge of honour and respect, and akin to your wedding ring. They may even plan an induction ceremony for you which is usually a lot of kum-by-ya'ing around a campfire and howling. Some humans go a bit further and will have a tattoo to mark the event, often with the pack symbol. 

 

 

**Do I need to become a werewolf?**  

Short answer: no, not at all. But you may take the bite at any time. It is a _big_ decision though, and you will need to attend counselling and preparation (usually a year) for it. It's different from being a lone human wanting to join a pack. For safety, you will need to be bitten by the Pack's Alpha, as other bites can be deadly. Werewolves value and respect their and your humanity; you keep them anchored. In fact packs that are werewolf-only tend to become unstable. This is why Pack Emissaries and Healers are almost always human.

 

 

**Children**  

Werewolves are all about packs, and packs mean family. Having children is absolutely encouraged. Lycanthropy is passed genetically, and humans can carry the trait though not manifest. Same-sex couples are encouraged to adopt. There is the option of using a life-giver (a werewolf surrogate or sperm donor). In our case, two of our children were born of the same life-giver; I am the biological father of our daughter and my husband is the biological father of our son.  Our third child was adopted through the “regular” means.

Expect to do a lot of babysitting. You have an extended family in the pack, and it is everybody’s duty to have some part in raising the “cubs”, even if you elect not to have children yourself.

For children who are born werewolves, they only manifest around puberty. This can be a rather fraught time and besides the raging hormones you’re dealing with a particularly moody, frustrated and often frightened teenager. 

 

 

**On The Wolf-Out**

Werewolves exist in three forms:

 

  1. The regular human form; this is the default state. All powers are retained.
  2. Partial shift - the commonest. This may involve only eye colour and fangs, or claws and fangs, or full facial change. Under full moons they shift more easily and sometimes without warning if under emotional stress. You scent is a means of anchoring them.
  3. Full wolf-form. Very rare, and only possible by some Alphas. (Usually true Alphas). There is a rare “demonic” form deviant killer werewolves can acquire, but this is rapidly debilitating.



Of course... wolfing out will inevitably occur during, ahem, sex. It can be frightening for  both of you, and when it happens the first time usually very embarrassing for your other half because they worry that they might have attacked you. In reality it’s a sign they are _extremely_ turned on by you, so take it as a compliment. A simple gesture like stroking his or her face is all that is necessary. 

Wolfing out can mean other things, such as anger, frustration, as a warning to other werewolves, etc. (see my guide to wolfspeak for further explanation.)

It is considered extremely rude for a werewolf to hiss or wolf out at a human mate out of anger; some packs consider it a form of abuse. However, the Alpha will use these tactics to enforce discipline among the rest of the pack. It’s not meant to be violent.

 

 

**Nipping and Biting**

Generally the mother of all hickeys. They love doing this. Baring a neck to a werewolf is a sign of extreme deference and trust (they will do this to you as well to signify they love you). It will involve fangs gently nipping at your skin, and sometimes they will draw blood. It doesn’t hurt, really. It tickles. By all means you can refuse if it freaks you out; scenting is a good substitute. Just indulge them, I say, but tell them to keep it below the collar line! And feel free to reciprocate, even if they’re going to heal. 

 

**Arguing with a grumpy werewolf**

Avoid this on Full Moons. You’re just not going to get anywhere. And whatever you do, _never_ get hysterical, though a well-timed bout of crying can tip the scales in your favour, because they don’t handle seeing their mate upset very well. (I reserve it for extreme cases of manipulation, such as deciding on where we’re going for the holidays.)

Do not resort to dog references during arguments. It’s very rude.

If you win an argument, be graceful about it, and expect your mate to have the slapped puppy look and sulk for at least a few hours. Be forgiving, because the emotional self-flagellation they do would put a whole monastery of Catholic monks to shame. They’re fragile little wolves, really.

 

**Health**

Damn them, they heal! But a little-known fact is that _your_ health gets passively stronger simply from being around your partner... you will experience increased resistance to and faster recovery from infections, improved stamina and strength and (whoop! whoop!) delayed aging. This drops off if you are separated from him / her for considerable lengths of time, though.

Werewolves can generally live to about 120, human mates usually making about 90. However, the werewolf mate doesn’t last long without their life partner, and may simply give up the will to live.

He or she will still look like their in their twenties when they are in their 40s, and you won’t be looking so shabby either.  

Werewolves _are_ however vulnerable to some infections:

* Canine distemper (yes, they need shots for that) and Kennel Cough (usually mild)

  * Some strains of avian flu (so just both get your flu shots every year!)
  * Rabies (fatal, just like in humans)
  * Tetanus (milder course, rarely fatal)



Children should all receive standard immunizations, as one does not know whether they will be werewolves until they are older. The human immunizations won’t have any effect, but won’t do any harm either, to a baby werewolf.

Trauma and emergencies are covered in more detail in  _Stiles's Guide To Speaking Wolf_. 

 

 

**Planning Your Life Together**

 

  1. Expect a lifelong commitment and absolute loyalty from your partner.
  2. Do not put your own desires and plans on hold. Wolves are infinitely patient and will follow you everywhere. Both my husband and I have busy careers, and we’ve managed to have children, and have an involved pack life... he is an Alpha, after all.
  3. They need access to nature. Most big cities are fine (parks, recreational areas); make time to go away for weekends.
  4. You will probably end up in a big house with a picket fence. Get your hipster pretensions over with during your young adulthood... go live in that loft and wear ironic clothes, but after 30 it’s just sad, really.
  5. If marriage is your thing, best that you propose. It gives you a sense of control after they’ve asked you to be their mate.
  6. Decide on whether you want children early... most likely your wolf will want kids.
  7. If you are mated to an Alpha, expect a lot of pack involvement!
  8. Consider elective couples counselling with the Pack Emissary and with the Alpha (if you are Betas.)
  9. Learn to speak wolf. It makes life easier, and life with a werewolf infinitely more rewarding.
  10. Set aside time for yourself. Mating is intense, but you are still separate entities.



 

 

I hope you will have found this little guide useful!

Yours in wolfy solidarity

 

Vojtěch Sigmund (“Stiles”) Stilinski, M.D.


End file.
